The Smart Church part 6

By Connie Goodbread

Do we allow enough silence? Do we make room for the quiet? Do we practice listening as a spiritual discipline? Do we think carefully about the impact of our words? Do we cut off deep discussion with our desire to speak and be heard?

Does your congregation practice and encourage deep listening?

“There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.” - Albert Guinon

For some time now we Unitarian Universalists have fostered discussion groups in our congregations that enjoy and practice debate. Debate groups are fine. We should have them as part of our programs. However, we should offer non-debate discussion groups too. Discussion is not debate and deep discussion requires deep listening. If we are sitting at the edge of our chairs, impatient for a break in the words, thinking of what we want to say next, we cannot be listening.

We often get passionate about topics. Passion is a wonderful thing. We should be passionate Unitarian Universalists. But our passions should not get in the way of true communication. Sometimes our passion makes us say things like, “You can’t be a Unitarian Universalist and a Republican, believe in Jesus, like country and western music, believe in the death penalty, etc.” You can fill in the blank with the statements you have heard. Sometimes our passions keeping us from waiting in the silence long enough and cut off someone else’s struggle.

We sometimes get into heated debates and begin to take things personally. If we practice deep listening we will know that; we speak for ourselves, we define who we are, we choose who we will be and the truth that fits our reality. We are on this Unitarian Universalist path together and we must understand that we are never finished. We are, each of us, works in progress. People will join us on the path at many stages of spiritual developmental. We need to support their spiritual growth.

Only by defining ourselves and choosing to be the best that we can be, only by not taking things personally and treating one another with respect, can we wait long enough with one another to hear each personal truth as it evolves. We must listen with kindness and support. We must set appropriate boundaries. We must allow people, including ourselves, the time it will take to become the precious people we all need to be. The precious people we are meant to be. The precious people the world needs us to be.

The Evensong programs teach deep listening. I highly recommend that each and every person experience Evensong. The UUA Bookstore - http://www.uua.org/bookstore - carries Evensong, Volumes 1 & 2 and Evensong for Families. ¶ 3/05/2007